This is a two-part posting to our blog, wherein Yin Mama and Yang Mommy dream about trading their Jimmy Choos---until the other shoe drops!
YIN:
I never get a moment to myself. I'm either at work having to talk to others or I'm at home with my family. I keep saying that I'm going to get a hotel room by myself one night but so far I haven't.
So I keep daydreaming about how much free time I'd have if I were a stay at home mom (SAHM). And here's what I'd do:
--Take naps! When my daughter is taking her afternoon nap I'd recharge myself and take one too.
--Do laundry. I never get a chance to do my own laundry. My husband does his own and when I do have time I do my daughter's. So I'd wash my laundry and never run out of underwear again.
--Cook more and experiment in my cooking. Right now I get off work, pick up my daughter from daycare and come home and cook dinner. Kind if. It's hardly ever what I'd call a well rounded meal but most days I prepare a meal or my husband grills something for us. If I were a SAHM I could really get back into cooking and experiment a little more.
--Join a Mommy/Baby Group. Honestly this one doesn't sound like a ton of fun but I'd do it so I could meet more women with children the general age of my own.
--Relax. My job entails working a lot with the public and sometimes it can be stressful. Even though being with my daughter can be stressful it's no where near like dealing with an irate person who didn't get what they want.
--Take my hobbies back up. I realized today I haven't sewn anything since I got pregnant because I took my sewing machine down to set up a baby room. So I'd make an effort to start sewing, finish that latch hook that I started for my daughter's room and a few other things I've put aside.
That's my idea of what it would be like to not have to work outside the home. So all you SAHM's savor what you have and enjoy la dolce vita ; )
YANG:
Boy, I had to laugh when I read Yin's visions of what life as a SAHM would be! After I had a good, hearty chuckle, it occurred to me that long ago, I had different ideas about what staying at home with a child would be like, so I really can't blame Yin for her fantasies. But let's take off those rosey-colored glasses and face the hard facts.
---Take naps when the baby naps? Hardly! Those are the times when I get the laundry done, or clean the house, or better still, work. Just try to meet a work deadline with a wee one tugging your hand off the keyboard to get her a snack/ a drink/have a nose wiped/flash that enchanting smile so you'll play with her. No, no, nap time is for work, not sleeping.
--Laundry (house chores in general): See above.
--Cooking more/Experimenting with food: Ah, a genie would say "your wish is my command!" Because by default, a lot of SAHP do cook more. They're home, they have little mouths to feed around the clock. Yes, I'm totally in love with my new non-stick Ramsay skillet, but more often than not, the inner Julia doesn't show up until the weekend when my husband can play at length with our daughter and I'm not so already exhausted from my own work day.
---Join Mommy groups: I have to say, I absolutely love the fact that I can go to mom-centered activities during the day and not have to wait until after 5P or the weekends. That is one freedom of being a SAHM that I take advantage of whenever I can. Plus I've made some excellent friends in the process.
---Relaxing: If I'm really, really lucky I get to relax when my girl naps, but see above. Toddlers aren't the most cooperative beings on the planet ("wait until she's a teen," my dark side mutters). Otherwise, relaxing at any decent length of time comes after she's in bed. A glass of cab and I'm a happy Yang.
---Hobbies: Well, what parent of a young child(ren) really has time for hobbies? I got a great sewing machine for Christmas and have yet had time to even read the manual (a strict rule I'm adhering to lest I break the machine on my first go. Not to mention it rather intimidates me, too). Some of my hobbies I can follow through on though, like this blog or taking nature walks, wherein my girl comes along with me. But again, finding quality time for hobbies is like making a patchwork quilt--it's in segments.
As a SAHM, who also works from home, I'm not only my daughter's #1 playmate, but also her cook, maid, nurse and general all-around cheerleader. And when one of us, or worse yet both of us, are sick, the work only gets harder.We're blessed to be able to do this and I wouldn't change our situation overly much. But I too would like some relaxation time--like an hour's long bubble bath and a good book to stick my nose in. The caveat being not to have to then cook dinner/clean up toys/wash the dishes afterwards, etc. So next time I get a few precious minutes, I'm going to dream about going back to work in an office and having adult conversations...getting real vacation days...heck, getting paid for what I do...ahhhh.....
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Is It Time for Another Baby?
YANG
Over the past few days, I have literally staggered in my steps over various news pieces. The first was a news story on NYC preschools offering "scholarships" for 3 and 4 year olds to attend their school (because they're far too expensive in the first place and have some nerve charging what amounts to some colleges' tuition fees!). Let alone the grueling and down right ridiculous "admission" process or trying to just get an application! The other story was on the latest figures of the cost of rearing children in America. The study says that the average cost to raise 1 child through high school will be around $220,000. What the?!? Add to that, our global economy isn't exactly in the best of health which means both our national and local economies are hurting.
Despite the economic woes and challenges, we would still like another child.
Now the logical side of my brain (my husband will laugh at that statement) screams, "You have so much work to do now, how can you possibly handle two little ones!" For instance, it just took me 20 minutes to prepare my toddler's clothes for the laundry (stain stick, bless you!). Not to mention that I just finished cleaning up the breakfast dishes and in just a few I'll need to prepare lunch. Add on to that the fact that I work from home (a blog topic for another day), so I need to make the most of the "free time" I have to do my writing. Yang Mommy-time can be nearly nonexistent. So why would I want to add another little one into our current chaos?
Because I do. My husband and I both want another child. There's so much love to give and receive, we have to try for it.
Even on my most desperately-hair-pulling-PMSing-exhausting days, I still would like to have another child. Despite the lack of sleep for about least a year a new baby guarantees to bring, despite the added work in the kitchen/laundry room/house, despite the added finances, we want another little child.
My husband and I have discussed all the pros and cons and are not entering into this lightly. No one should enter into a decision to have a child lightly, in fact. And if we're blessed with another child of our own, we'll be so very fortunate. If not, then we'll take it from there. And since the bio clock is ticking, I'd better make the most of it ;)
PS Kudos to you moms and dads out there with more than 1 kid! If you have any sanity-tips, please pass them on!
YIN
I think it's easier for families with one working parent to consider having a second or third child than it is for families that have two parents working outside the home. That's because of the cost of daycare.
My husband and I would love to have another child. If we do it will cost us $300 a week to put both children in daycare. That's $1200 a month for child care. Which as of today we couldn't afford. I make more money than my husband so I couldn't stay home. Plus I enjoy working outside the home. And while my husband could leave his job, not only would we sorely miss his salary, I don't think he'd be happy. And that's not fair to him.
I think all children should have a brother or sister to argue with. And I'd enjoy having a second child in the house. But we need to keep the child we have healthy and secure. So I leave it in God's hands to see if we have another little one. Either way I'm thankful for what He's provided for us and has in stored for us for the future.
Over the past few days, I have literally staggered in my steps over various news pieces. The first was a news story on NYC preschools offering "scholarships" for 3 and 4 year olds to attend their school (because they're far too expensive in the first place and have some nerve charging what amounts to some colleges' tuition fees!). Let alone the grueling and down right ridiculous "admission" process or trying to just get an application! The other story was on the latest figures of the cost of rearing children in America. The study says that the average cost to raise 1 child through high school will be around $220,000. What the?!? Add to that, our global economy isn't exactly in the best of health which means both our national and local economies are hurting.
Despite the economic woes and challenges, we would still like another child.
Now the logical side of my brain (my husband will laugh at that statement) screams, "You have so much work to do now, how can you possibly handle two little ones!" For instance, it just took me 20 minutes to prepare my toddler's clothes for the laundry (stain stick, bless you!). Not to mention that I just finished cleaning up the breakfast dishes and in just a few I'll need to prepare lunch. Add on to that the fact that I work from home (a blog topic for another day), so I need to make the most of the "free time" I have to do my writing. Yang Mommy-time can be nearly nonexistent. So why would I want to add another little one into our current chaos?
Because I do. My husband and I both want another child. There's so much love to give and receive, we have to try for it.
Even on my most desperately-hair-pulling-PMSing-exhausting days, I still would like to have another child. Despite the lack of sleep for about least a year a new baby guarantees to bring, despite the added work in the kitchen/laundry room/house, despite the added finances, we want another little child.
My husband and I have discussed all the pros and cons and are not entering into this lightly. No one should enter into a decision to have a child lightly, in fact. And if we're blessed with another child of our own, we'll be so very fortunate. If not, then we'll take it from there. And since the bio clock is ticking, I'd better make the most of it ;)
PS Kudos to you moms and dads out there with more than 1 kid! If you have any sanity-tips, please pass them on!
YIN
I think it's easier for families with one working parent to consider having a second or third child than it is for families that have two parents working outside the home. That's because of the cost of daycare.
My husband and I would love to have another child. If we do it will cost us $300 a week to put both children in daycare. That's $1200 a month for child care. Which as of today we couldn't afford. I make more money than my husband so I couldn't stay home. Plus I enjoy working outside the home. And while my husband could leave his job, not only would we sorely miss his salary, I don't think he'd be happy. And that's not fair to him.
I think all children should have a brother or sister to argue with. And I'd enjoy having a second child in the house. But we need to keep the child we have healthy and secure. So I leave it in God's hands to see if we have another little one. Either way I'm thankful for what He's provided for us and has in stored for us for the future.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Tyranny of Mommy Perfection
YANG:
Anyone out there think they are perfect?
Ah come on, admit it, we all believe we're perfect at something (s). I for one, make the perfect sticky toffee pudding. I know this; I've been told this by many a-pudding-eater. We know perfection when we see it too. For instance, That Mom down the road has the perfect kids and Her With the New Car must have a perfect job. Don't even get me started on Mrs Always Perfect Hair across the street.
The ideal of being a Perfect Mommy though is monumental. For one, our moms certainly weren't perfect because we can point out error after flaw that they made raising us. (Those same errors that we swear we'll never do or say yet we mysteriously find ourselves sounding just like our moms now and again, don't we? ). Secondly, we have to be perfect because we have a little person relying on us for everything, trusting us implicitly and we can't, just can't, mess them up. The pressure to be a Perfect Mother is immense.
Perfection is a tricky thing. Once you achieve it, you tend to want more of it. You know as well as I that we can't be perfect at everything we do nor be perfect all the time. We can't constantly be perfect moms, wives, homemakers, friends, workers, volunteers, citizens, church-goers, etc. Nor can we always have the perfect clothes, hair, nails, attitude, car or house. We just can't--it's impossible. After all, perfection is a goal to work towards but is rarely, if only momentarily, achieved. Yet the ideal lives on, tormenting us to be perfect. So what to do?
Me, I've decided to pick and choose my "perfection goals." Some days it's to be the perfect mom, which broadly entails having a well-fed, groomed and happy child for the day (good memories of the day for all of us, and no tears/bumps/bruises). Other days it's to create the perfect meal--not only nutritionally well-balanced and not too costly, but also innovative in taste, color and ingredients (one that everyone eats and begs for seconds). Other days my perfection goals are more easy to attain, such as having the perfect workout (calories instantly shed, little sweat, muscles feeling good) or to give myself the perfect mani/pedi (no rough skin found, no nail polish on the furniture, no smearing). You're getting the point, right?
Then there are those days that even the idea of striving to some concoction of perfection wilts me. Stops me dead in my tracks. I can't stop for long with a toddler at home though. So I take a deep breath, stretch my arms up high, throw my head back and let out a deep, fulfilling sigh. It is then that I acknowledge to my Yang Mommy self that I have indeed achieved some goals enough to be happy, I've had my fun (because trying to attain a goal without some facet of fun is never a good idea), and I let go. I just let it all go. Lady Perfection releases her grasp on me and floats away on a breeze of contentment.
She'll be back soon, I know. In the meantime, I congratulate myself for simply getting through the day with a healthy happy child/having warm food on the table/not snacking on brownies/not breaking a nail. Do I ever attain perfection in these goals? Hardly. A semblance yes, but true, real, raw perfection? Ha...I laugh at the idea because I know it's can't be done. And I won't live under the tyranny.
YIN:
I refuse to try to be perfect. Why? Because I know that I can’t be. I came to that decision long before I had my daughter but perfection has really reared its ugly head since she came to us.
With a full time job that takes a lot of my mental energy, a husband who takes almost as much mental energy and a 15 month old child who thinks she’s a superhero and should lift and throw everything, I don’t have the energy to strive for perfection. Because I have no energy.
What would be perfect is if I could sleep through the night without waking as soon as she coughs or mutters in her sleep. What would be perfect would be if my husband and I could sit with our daughter and watch tv quietly without someone crying for a drink (that would be either my husband or my daughter, take your pick). What would be perfect is if I could go to work and arrive on time, not have someone complain about something (myself included) and if everyone just did what they were supposed to. What would be perfect is to take a family vacation with rushing or worrying about how much we’re spending. What would be perfect – okay you get my drift.
Nothing in life is perfect and no one in life is perfect. I have unfortunately known that perfect couple. They got divorced after my friend found out her husband of almost 20 years was cheating on her with someone she thought was her friend. I’ve unfortunately know the great guy with a great family. His wife was cheating on him with a neighbor. And I’ve unfortunately know the perfect employee. They burnt themselves out and had to take a leave of absence.
For me personally it is not worth mine and my family’s sanity to strive to be perfect. If you do you’re reaching for something that you can’t get and will wear you out in the end. Instead of striving to be perfect, I strive to be the best me that I can be. At least for today.
Anyone out there think they are perfect?
Ah come on, admit it, we all believe we're perfect at something (s). I for one, make the perfect sticky toffee pudding. I know this; I've been told this by many a-pudding-eater. We know perfection when we see it too. For instance, That Mom down the road has the perfect kids and Her With the New Car must have a perfect job. Don't even get me started on Mrs Always Perfect Hair across the street.
The ideal of being a Perfect Mommy though is monumental. For one, our moms certainly weren't perfect because we can point out error after flaw that they made raising us. (Those same errors that we swear we'll never do or say yet we mysteriously find ourselves sounding just like our moms now and again, don't we? ). Secondly, we have to be perfect because we have a little person relying on us for everything, trusting us implicitly and we can't, just can't, mess them up. The pressure to be a Perfect Mother is immense.
Perfection is a tricky thing. Once you achieve it, you tend to want more of it. You know as well as I that we can't be perfect at everything we do nor be perfect all the time. We can't constantly be perfect moms, wives, homemakers, friends, workers, volunteers, citizens, church-goers, etc. Nor can we always have the perfect clothes, hair, nails, attitude, car or house. We just can't--it's impossible. After all, perfection is a goal to work towards but is rarely, if only momentarily, achieved. Yet the ideal lives on, tormenting us to be perfect. So what to do?
Me, I've decided to pick and choose my "perfection goals." Some days it's to be the perfect mom, which broadly entails having a well-fed, groomed and happy child for the day (good memories of the day for all of us, and no tears/bumps/bruises). Other days it's to create the perfect meal--not only nutritionally well-balanced and not too costly, but also innovative in taste, color and ingredients (one that everyone eats and begs for seconds). Other days my perfection goals are more easy to attain, such as having the perfect workout (calories instantly shed, little sweat, muscles feeling good) or to give myself the perfect mani/pedi (no rough skin found, no nail polish on the furniture, no smearing). You're getting the point, right?
Then there are those days that even the idea of striving to some concoction of perfection wilts me. Stops me dead in my tracks. I can't stop for long with a toddler at home though. So I take a deep breath, stretch my arms up high, throw my head back and let out a deep, fulfilling sigh. It is then that I acknowledge to my Yang Mommy self that I have indeed achieved some goals enough to be happy, I've had my fun (because trying to attain a goal without some facet of fun is never a good idea), and I let go. I just let it all go. Lady Perfection releases her grasp on me and floats away on a breeze of contentment.
She'll be back soon, I know. In the meantime, I congratulate myself for simply getting through the day with a healthy happy child/having warm food on the table/not snacking on brownies/not breaking a nail. Do I ever attain perfection in these goals? Hardly. A semblance yes, but true, real, raw perfection? Ha...I laugh at the idea because I know it's can't be done. And I won't live under the tyranny.
YIN:
I refuse to try to be perfect. Why? Because I know that I can’t be. I came to that decision long before I had my daughter but perfection has really reared its ugly head since she came to us.
With a full time job that takes a lot of my mental energy, a husband who takes almost as much mental energy and a 15 month old child who thinks she’s a superhero and should lift and throw everything, I don’t have the energy to strive for perfection. Because I have no energy.
What would be perfect is if I could sleep through the night without waking as soon as she coughs or mutters in her sleep. What would be perfect would be if my husband and I could sit with our daughter and watch tv quietly without someone crying for a drink (that would be either my husband or my daughter, take your pick). What would be perfect is if I could go to work and arrive on time, not have someone complain about something (myself included) and if everyone just did what they were supposed to. What would be perfect is to take a family vacation with rushing or worrying about how much we’re spending. What would be perfect – okay you get my drift.
Nothing in life is perfect and no one in life is perfect. I have unfortunately known that perfect couple. They got divorced after my friend found out her husband of almost 20 years was cheating on her with someone she thought was her friend. I’ve unfortunately know the great guy with a great family. His wife was cheating on him with a neighbor. And I’ve unfortunately know the perfect employee. They burnt themselves out and had to take a leave of absence.
For me personally it is not worth mine and my family’s sanity to strive to be perfect. If you do you’re reaching for something that you can’t get and will wear you out in the end. Instead of striving to be perfect, I strive to be the best me that I can be. At least for today.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Quality Time (sans the little one)
YIN:
There are all kinds of tips out there on how to get quality time with your significant other once the baby arrives:
• Make a date night and be sure to keep it!
• Get creative – have lunch together once a week or even just sit and talk to each other about anything other than work or the baby.
• Write each other love notes – keep it spicy!
• Buy tickets to an event. You’re less likely to skip the event if you’ve already paid for the tickets.
• Get a routine.
• And make time for yourself. You can only be a good mommy and wife if you’re relaxed and feel good!
I’m sorry but I can’t help but laugh at all the suggestions I’ve read on various sites or heard on talk shows on how to get quality time and keep your marriage interesting. It’s not that the suggestions I laid out above are stupid. I believe they work for people who are lucky enough to have regular access to a babysitter or who have the extra money to do things as a couple. But in my case, until recently, we didn’t have anyone who lived closer than 25 miles away to watch my daughter, so we saved those requests for extremely special occasions.
I get a 30 minute lunch and my husband sometimes doesn’t get to take one so that leaves that suggestion out. My husband doesn’t like to write. There go the notes. We’re pretty much strapped for cash with the daycare and diapers costs so the concerts or games we attend are few and far between. And I have a routine – once the baby is in bed I start to do laundry, wash dishes or pack lunches. Or if I’m lucky, I get to read a little bit while my husband goes to bed around 9pm because he has to get up at 5am at least 3 times a week.
So you’re probably wondering how my husband and I spend time together. Honestly it’s hard, but we’re slowly learning how to work things in that are meaningful to us. We eat dinner together if he’s not working a closing shift. We have season tickets to my alma mater’s football team and while we’ll only get to go to two games this year we’ll be going alone without the baby. The other tickets we’ll sell on eBay to get back some of the costs (you’re probably wondering if we’re strapped for cash why we keep them – well one day our daughter will be older and we’ve had the seats for years, so it’s something we don’t want to give up in anticipation for the future). Some Sundays we’ll put the baby in the iBert and go for a bike ride as a family. We attend church together. And we’re both making an effort to be more patient and understanding with each other.
So yes it’s possible to get bits of quality time in. But don’t let the websites and books make you feel like you’re not a good wife or mother because you’re not going on a weekly date to your favorite restaurant or you’re not buying fancy negligees to parade in front of your husband. Do the best you can and make the moments count. One day the kids will be out of the house!
YANG:
Feed the baby, check. Change her diaper, check. Fold the laundry that’s been sitting in the dryer for several days now, check. Schedule quality time with hubby for tonight when we’ll we have an in-depth and tantalizing conversation over dinner, check.
Nothing spells fun like having to schedule “quality time” into an already hectic day. Spontaneity isn’t what it used to be, but this has to be done. And it actually works for us.
I mean really, in today’s hectic world, what has quality time become and what does it aim to be? The ideas Yin Mommy listed above are great and sound like a lot of fun, but in today's hectic and budget-minded world, what's truly realistic? Our personal ideas of quality time absolutely run the gamut from a fancy dinner date to playing archery on the Wii. And while we both agree it's important to ourselves to spend time together sans the little one, more often than not going grocery shopping together counts as our quality time as does watching some television together once the baby is asleep.
I told my husband what this week’s theme is for our blog and jokingly he says, “Are you writing fiction?” Actually, I’m not but I can’t help but laugh at the truth in his comment. Finding time for your spouse once a baby, or two, or three, comes along is hard. And to be honest, it’s not a priority when there are diapers to change, messes to pick up after, food to be made, etc. Not to mention the exhaustion factor that anyone may be experiencing. But making time with, and for, your spouse should be a priority. After all, you’re close friends if not best friends with each other and you both need that 1-1 time without a little one demanding your attention.
As I sit here in our beach house, watching the waves lap against the dock, I’m thinking about this post. Right now, a doting grandparent (who’s vacationing with us) is watching the little one and my husband is reading about his football team’s stats. Surely you would think that we’d seize this chance to go for a walk or throw a line in the water to catch some fish. And we may just do that. But right now, our quality time consists of us both sitting together at the same table, writing and reading while sharing coffee and our thoughts. Can’t beat that.
There are all kinds of tips out there on how to get quality time with your significant other once the baby arrives:
• Make a date night and be sure to keep it!
• Get creative – have lunch together once a week or even just sit and talk to each other about anything other than work or the baby.
• Write each other love notes – keep it spicy!
• Buy tickets to an event. You’re less likely to skip the event if you’ve already paid for the tickets.
• Get a routine.
• And make time for yourself. You can only be a good mommy and wife if you’re relaxed and feel good!
I’m sorry but I can’t help but laugh at all the suggestions I’ve read on various sites or heard on talk shows on how to get quality time and keep your marriage interesting. It’s not that the suggestions I laid out above are stupid. I believe they work for people who are lucky enough to have regular access to a babysitter or who have the extra money to do things as a couple. But in my case, until recently, we didn’t have anyone who lived closer than 25 miles away to watch my daughter, so we saved those requests for extremely special occasions.
I get a 30 minute lunch and my husband sometimes doesn’t get to take one so that leaves that suggestion out. My husband doesn’t like to write. There go the notes. We’re pretty much strapped for cash with the daycare and diapers costs so the concerts or games we attend are few and far between. And I have a routine – once the baby is in bed I start to do laundry, wash dishes or pack lunches. Or if I’m lucky, I get to read a little bit while my husband goes to bed around 9pm because he has to get up at 5am at least 3 times a week.
So you’re probably wondering how my husband and I spend time together. Honestly it’s hard, but we’re slowly learning how to work things in that are meaningful to us. We eat dinner together if he’s not working a closing shift. We have season tickets to my alma mater’s football team and while we’ll only get to go to two games this year we’ll be going alone without the baby. The other tickets we’ll sell on eBay to get back some of the costs (you’re probably wondering if we’re strapped for cash why we keep them – well one day our daughter will be older and we’ve had the seats for years, so it’s something we don’t want to give up in anticipation for the future). Some Sundays we’ll put the baby in the iBert and go for a bike ride as a family. We attend church together. And we’re both making an effort to be more patient and understanding with each other.
So yes it’s possible to get bits of quality time in. But don’t let the websites and books make you feel like you’re not a good wife or mother because you’re not going on a weekly date to your favorite restaurant or you’re not buying fancy negligees to parade in front of your husband. Do the best you can and make the moments count. One day the kids will be out of the house!
YANG:
Feed the baby, check. Change her diaper, check. Fold the laundry that’s been sitting in the dryer for several days now, check. Schedule quality time with hubby for tonight when we’ll we have an in-depth and tantalizing conversation over dinner, check.
Nothing spells fun like having to schedule “quality time” into an already hectic day. Spontaneity isn’t what it used to be, but this has to be done. And it actually works for us.
I mean really, in today’s hectic world, what has quality time become and what does it aim to be? The ideas Yin Mommy listed above are great and sound like a lot of fun, but in today's hectic and budget-minded world, what's truly realistic? Our personal ideas of quality time absolutely run the gamut from a fancy dinner date to playing archery on the Wii. And while we both agree it's important to ourselves to spend time together sans the little one, more often than not going grocery shopping together counts as our quality time as does watching some television together once the baby is asleep.
I told my husband what this week’s theme is for our blog and jokingly he says, “Are you writing fiction?” Actually, I’m not but I can’t help but laugh at the truth in his comment. Finding time for your spouse once a baby, or two, or three, comes along is hard. And to be honest, it’s not a priority when there are diapers to change, messes to pick up after, food to be made, etc. Not to mention the exhaustion factor that anyone may be experiencing. But making time with, and for, your spouse should be a priority. After all, you’re close friends if not best friends with each other and you both need that 1-1 time without a little one demanding your attention.
As I sit here in our beach house, watching the waves lap against the dock, I’m thinking about this post. Right now, a doting grandparent (who’s vacationing with us) is watching the little one and my husband is reading about his football team’s stats. Surely you would think that we’d seize this chance to go for a walk or throw a line in the water to catch some fish. And we may just do that. But right now, our quality time consists of us both sitting together at the same table, writing and reading while sharing coffee and our thoughts. Can’t beat that.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Tots and Tantrums Oh My
YANG:
"Can you believe that child," I've said to many a friend. "And the mom. Surely she can control her child better! When I have kids, they'll never behave like that." That was something I'd say when in the ear-presence of a screaming child. My eyes would roll, my friend would nod in agreement, and we'd hustle to get out of ear shot as soon as we could. Both of us swearing that our children would never exhibit such behaviour.
Never say never, right? It's funny how outlooks change once you have a child. As my daughter edges closer to the age of two and the "terrible twos," I realize that I'm in store for some tantrums. Heck, she's already thrown a few, including one in the mall where she sat down on the floor, refusing to get up and cried her little heart out. When placed in her stroller, legs kicking of course, she continued to wail. Me, I figured that every other mom or dad in earshot would understand and perhaps feel empathy for my situation. But I knew all those without a little one would be staring at me, rolling their eyes and making snarky comments. All I could do was continue on and laugh quietly at my former self.
The tantrum didn't last long and when she was done, we hugged and kissed. After all, a tantrum is one of the few ways a young child expresses their frustration or anger with us until they know the words to do otherwise. They don't love us any less, nor us them. So I don't get mad when she gets mad. Rather, I take a deep breath (sometimes it's a few deep breathes), then see what can ease her frustration, which can be anything from a hug, to a distraction, to letting her be and simply air her emotions.
Besides, I know that the tantrum stage will pass. Before I know it, there will be stomping of feet, arms crossing, a big pouty face and a door shutting loudly. Not slamming of course, not my child, ever. (Mom, stop laughing!)
YIN:
Temper tantrums stink. No ifs, ands, or buts. They’re just starting with my little one. Mostly so far they’re over food – when she’s hungry she wants to eat NOW. No matter that I have to actually mix the rice cereal.
I’ve been lucky that my child hasn’t had the meltdown in public. Yet. Oh I know its coming. It’s inevitable. But how I hope to handle it is to quietly remind her that she shouldn’t be screaming in public and to try to relax. Once that doesn’t work I plan on removing her from the situation, be it outside the store, to the car, etc.
Am I crazy enough to think that’s going to work all the time? No way. Kids get tired, hungry, angry, and frustrated just like the rest of us. But I know from experience that hearing your child scream and cry is one thing, because sometimes we can tune it out. Hearing someone else’s child scream and cry is a whole other story.
My place of employment is one where we get a lot of children. And what gets most of us isn’t the fact that the child is screaming. It’s that the parent is plainly blocking them out and isn’t trying to rectify the situation. I have tons of empathy for the mother who seems worn down and just can’t seem to take anymore. I have zero empathy for the mother who is talking on her cell phone while Johnny is standing in the aisle screaming “I want it, I want it, I want it!!”
Sometimes we push the kids to get all the errands in one shot and what they need is to nap or eat. That’s our fault as adults. We need to make time for the kids to be kids instead of running them all over the place. Some of my most relaxing times, believe it or not, are grocery shopping. That’s because I don’t take my daughter. Not only because I don’t want to deal with her grabbing things off the shelves but also because I know an hour in the shopping cart might just set her over the edge. I also try to time our play dates and other errands around her nap. Sure that means that sometimes I don’t leave the house until 2 hours after I planned on leaving but I also have a calmer, cheerier child. Which makes for a good day.
"Can you believe that child," I've said to many a friend. "And the mom. Surely she can control her child better! When I have kids, they'll never behave like that." That was something I'd say when in the ear-presence of a screaming child. My eyes would roll, my friend would nod in agreement, and we'd hustle to get out of ear shot as soon as we could. Both of us swearing that our children would never exhibit such behaviour.
Never say never, right? It's funny how outlooks change once you have a child. As my daughter edges closer to the age of two and the "terrible twos," I realize that I'm in store for some tantrums. Heck, she's already thrown a few, including one in the mall where she sat down on the floor, refusing to get up and cried her little heart out. When placed in her stroller, legs kicking of course, she continued to wail. Me, I figured that every other mom or dad in earshot would understand and perhaps feel empathy for my situation. But I knew all those without a little one would be staring at me, rolling their eyes and making snarky comments. All I could do was continue on and laugh quietly at my former self.
The tantrum didn't last long and when she was done, we hugged and kissed. After all, a tantrum is one of the few ways a young child expresses their frustration or anger with us until they know the words to do otherwise. They don't love us any less, nor us them. So I don't get mad when she gets mad. Rather, I take a deep breath (sometimes it's a few deep breathes), then see what can ease her frustration, which can be anything from a hug, to a distraction, to letting her be and simply air her emotions.
Besides, I know that the tantrum stage will pass. Before I know it, there will be stomping of feet, arms crossing, a big pouty face and a door shutting loudly. Not slamming of course, not my child, ever. (Mom, stop laughing!)
YIN:
Temper tantrums stink. No ifs, ands, or buts. They’re just starting with my little one. Mostly so far they’re over food – when she’s hungry she wants to eat NOW. No matter that I have to actually mix the rice cereal.
I’ve been lucky that my child hasn’t had the meltdown in public. Yet. Oh I know its coming. It’s inevitable. But how I hope to handle it is to quietly remind her that she shouldn’t be screaming in public and to try to relax. Once that doesn’t work I plan on removing her from the situation, be it outside the store, to the car, etc.
Am I crazy enough to think that’s going to work all the time? No way. Kids get tired, hungry, angry, and frustrated just like the rest of us. But I know from experience that hearing your child scream and cry is one thing, because sometimes we can tune it out. Hearing someone else’s child scream and cry is a whole other story.
My place of employment is one where we get a lot of children. And what gets most of us isn’t the fact that the child is screaming. It’s that the parent is plainly blocking them out and isn’t trying to rectify the situation. I have tons of empathy for the mother who seems worn down and just can’t seem to take anymore. I have zero empathy for the mother who is talking on her cell phone while Johnny is standing in the aisle screaming “I want it, I want it, I want it!!”
Sometimes we push the kids to get all the errands in one shot and what they need is to nap or eat. That’s our fault as adults. We need to make time for the kids to be kids instead of running them all over the place. Some of my most relaxing times, believe it or not, are grocery shopping. That’s because I don’t take my daughter. Not only because I don’t want to deal with her grabbing things off the shelves but also because I know an hour in the shopping cart might just set her over the edge. I also try to time our play dates and other errands around her nap. Sure that means that sometimes I don’t leave the house until 2 hours after I planned on leaving but I also have a calmer, cheerier child. Which makes for a good day.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Healthy Baby Bellies, Happy Moms
YIN:
Feeding young children can be a chore. You don’t quite know what to feed them, it seems like they never want to eat what you know is best for them, and you just don’t have time to think about it. I know how you feel.
My game plan from the beginning was when my daughter was old enough to eat solid foods that I would do only vegetables and eventually go to a few fruits. No juice for a while and no snacks out of the package. That lasted, in the words of my mother, about as long as Pat stayed in the army (I have never figured out what that was referring to but it pretty much means not very long).
I had good intentions but I don’t think most mothers, working outside the home or inside, have time to limit things that strictly. So I allowed myself to relax a little. But I still restrict what goes into my daughter’s mouth and do my best to give her a variety of different foods so as she gets older she’ll be more apt to try different things (here’s to hoping!).
The majority of her cookies and crackers are organic. Not all but the majority. I catch them when they’re on sale to help out with the cost. If I can catch a good price on organic veggies and fruit I’ll grab that for her too. I’m not a fanatic about organics but I figure every little bit helps. I make sure to look at the amount of sodium that is in the each serving. This is a big contributor that a lot of parents forget about. I also stay away from artificial colors and flavors in products that she eats.
To help with cost and to control what she’s eating, I make a lot of the meals that she eats. I stopped giving her baby food in the jar when she turned 1 because I didn’t want to spend the money when I could make it myself. Currently I only use jarred food if we’re on vacation or we are out of the house all day since you have to refrigerate homemade food.I had been making some of her food from the time she was 8 months – I bought a Magic Bullet blender and threw frozen or fresh veggies and fruit in there. With the veggies I’d put in different meats and the fruit I’d mix with cereal or yogurt. Once she got more teeth and could eat different things I started using the Magic Bullet less, although I still use it if something is too course for her. And I use lots of herbs and spices to flavor the food so I don’t have to put in salt. There are a lot of great books and websites out there that you can use for ideas on how to create your own baby food. One easy to use website is Weelicious . They have recipes, suggestions on kid friend restaurants, a message board and an online recipe box.
One of the teachers at my daughter’s daycare asked one day what the “green thing” she had for lunch was. I told her it was mashed peas. The teacher was surprised, commented none of the other kids ever had vegetables and said “wow you’re a Supermom”. I laughed and said “I’m so NOT a Supermom. I took frozen peas, defrosted them, put them in the Magic Bullet with water, and ground them up. It took me a whole 15 minutes total.” But other than the nice (but not true) compliment, what surprised and shocked me was that none of the other 4 children in her class ever brought fresh vegetables, and I found out later, fresh fruit.
It really doesn’t take a long time to create healthy food choices for our children. If we have time to pick up products with high fructose corn syrup in it to feed to toddlers then we definitely have time to mush up some frozen peas for 2 minutes or cook some baby carrots on the stove top for them to snack on. Currently 30% of children in this country are overweight and it’s estimated that 1 in 3 children born in 2000 will develop diabetes before they are 18. My daughter I know will eventually want junk food and a little on special occasions is fine. But I want to start her off on the right track so if she has some junk she knows it’s a treat and not to expect it.
YANG:
I swear my daughter has a third leg that’s hollow, or she has a second stomach. Why? She eats way more than I do and yet is as slim as a filly. Sure, a lot of that is her toddler metabolism and genes, but that leaves me as mom and Head Chef to constantly review her menu to make sure she’s getting a balanced diet.
That includes introducing and reintroducing and reintroducing foods all the time. I didn’t really believe the parenting magazines and books when they said this would happen, but it does. It’s an exercise in patience and innovation for me. This week it’s green beans. I’ve tried them cold (preferred), warm (no-go) and with some melted cheese on them (picks off and eats the cheese, but hey, she has to taste some green bean while doing it!).
I don’t consider myself a “super mom” for adding broccoli or spinach to her mac and cheese, which she’s never had without some green vegetable in it. Nor do I consider myself great for giving her so much fruit every day that I personally, can no longer stand to look at another grape/strawberry/apple/peach/banana/ you-name-it! She loves it and it’s good for her, enough said.
But I do cheat now and then. I cheat with a twinge of guilty conscience, but it’s those days that we are in “survival” mode. Yes dear reader, McDonald’s has come in handy for us on quite a few occasions. Now, I’m not going to rear my child on chicken nuggets, but thank goodness she loves them! Realistically, the protein is good for her; the convenience good for me. And considering all the other fruits, vegetables, grain, dairy and eggs she eats on a daily basis, McDonald’s nuggets won’t hurt her, as long as she doesn’t eat them every day.
So parents out there, don’t beat yourselves up for occasionally cheating now and then and giving your kids “junk” food. But do make them wholesome meals. Vary their diets, allow them to explore new tastes and textures. Skip the empty carbs for snacks, like potatoe chips and cookies, and give them fruit or cheese. Try to eat dinner at the table every night.
Just don’t try to make dinner for the family and blog at the same time~~otherwise take-out will be the order of the night.
Feeding young children can be a chore. You don’t quite know what to feed them, it seems like they never want to eat what you know is best for them, and you just don’t have time to think about it. I know how you feel.
My game plan from the beginning was when my daughter was old enough to eat solid foods that I would do only vegetables and eventually go to a few fruits. No juice for a while and no snacks out of the package. That lasted, in the words of my mother, about as long as Pat stayed in the army (I have never figured out what that was referring to but it pretty much means not very long).
I had good intentions but I don’t think most mothers, working outside the home or inside, have time to limit things that strictly. So I allowed myself to relax a little. But I still restrict what goes into my daughter’s mouth and do my best to give her a variety of different foods so as she gets older she’ll be more apt to try different things (here’s to hoping!).
The majority of her cookies and crackers are organic. Not all but the majority. I catch them when they’re on sale to help out with the cost. If I can catch a good price on organic veggies and fruit I’ll grab that for her too. I’m not a fanatic about organics but I figure every little bit helps. I make sure to look at the amount of sodium that is in the each serving. This is a big contributor that a lot of parents forget about. I also stay away from artificial colors and flavors in products that she eats.
To help with cost and to control what she’s eating, I make a lot of the meals that she eats. I stopped giving her baby food in the jar when she turned 1 because I didn’t want to spend the money when I could make it myself. Currently I only use jarred food if we’re on vacation or we are out of the house all day since you have to refrigerate homemade food.I had been making some of her food from the time she was 8 months – I bought a Magic Bullet blender and threw frozen or fresh veggies and fruit in there. With the veggies I’d put in different meats and the fruit I’d mix with cereal or yogurt. Once she got more teeth and could eat different things I started using the Magic Bullet less, although I still use it if something is too course for her. And I use lots of herbs and spices to flavor the food so I don’t have to put in salt. There are a lot of great books and websites out there that you can use for ideas on how to create your own baby food. One easy to use website is Weelicious . They have recipes, suggestions on kid friend restaurants, a message board and an online recipe box.
One of the teachers at my daughter’s daycare asked one day what the “green thing” she had for lunch was. I told her it was mashed peas. The teacher was surprised, commented none of the other kids ever had vegetables and said “wow you’re a Supermom”. I laughed and said “I’m so NOT a Supermom. I took frozen peas, defrosted them, put them in the Magic Bullet with water, and ground them up. It took me a whole 15 minutes total.” But other than the nice (but not true) compliment, what surprised and shocked me was that none of the other 4 children in her class ever brought fresh vegetables, and I found out later, fresh fruit.
It really doesn’t take a long time to create healthy food choices for our children. If we have time to pick up products with high fructose corn syrup in it to feed to toddlers then we definitely have time to mush up some frozen peas for 2 minutes or cook some baby carrots on the stove top for them to snack on. Currently 30% of children in this country are overweight and it’s estimated that 1 in 3 children born in 2000 will develop diabetes before they are 18. My daughter I know will eventually want junk food and a little on special occasions is fine. But I want to start her off on the right track so if she has some junk she knows it’s a treat and not to expect it.
YANG:
I swear my daughter has a third leg that’s hollow, or she has a second stomach. Why? She eats way more than I do and yet is as slim as a filly. Sure, a lot of that is her toddler metabolism and genes, but that leaves me as mom and Head Chef to constantly review her menu to make sure she’s getting a balanced diet.
That includes introducing and reintroducing and reintroducing foods all the time. I didn’t really believe the parenting magazines and books when they said this would happen, but it does. It’s an exercise in patience and innovation for me. This week it’s green beans. I’ve tried them cold (preferred), warm (no-go) and with some melted cheese on them (picks off and eats the cheese, but hey, she has to taste some green bean while doing it!).
I don’t consider myself a “super mom” for adding broccoli or spinach to her mac and cheese, which she’s never had without some green vegetable in it. Nor do I consider myself great for giving her so much fruit every day that I personally, can no longer stand to look at another grape/strawberry/apple/peach/banana/ you-name-it! She loves it and it’s good for her, enough said.
But I do cheat now and then. I cheat with a twinge of guilty conscience, but it’s those days that we are in “survival” mode. Yes dear reader, McDonald’s has come in handy for us on quite a few occasions. Now, I’m not going to rear my child on chicken nuggets, but thank goodness she loves them! Realistically, the protein is good for her; the convenience good for me. And considering all the other fruits, vegetables, grain, dairy and eggs she eats on a daily basis, McDonald’s nuggets won’t hurt her, as long as she doesn’t eat them every day.
So parents out there, don’t beat yourselves up for occasionally cheating now and then and giving your kids “junk” food. But do make them wholesome meals. Vary their diets, allow them to explore new tastes and textures. Skip the empty carbs for snacks, like potatoe chips and cookies, and give them fruit or cheese. Try to eat dinner at the table every night.
Just don’t try to make dinner for the family and blog at the same time~~otherwise take-out will be the order of the night.
Friday, August 21, 2009
The conundrum of disciplining a toddler
Yang Mommy
Recently, my husband and I have been introducing the concept of "time out" with our toddler, who's not yet two years of age. We understand that she may not get the entire gist of time out--forget about "reflecting upon what she's done," that's for when she's older. And as for sitting in a designated spot for an allotted amount of time, well, we're working on that. Typically we aim for her to sit for about twenty seconds, which is a long time for any toddler. After all, she can't even count to ten so I don't think she understands that she has to sit for double that! But she does understand that she has to sit in one spot. That much we know she knows. In fact, when I tell her that she'll have to sit in time out if she doesn't listen, she immediately sits down and gives me the most angelic smile--I have photos to prove it!
Well last night was one of those times when the discipline was an exercise in futility. In truth, there was more exercise (for us parents) than futility but we weren't able to have one without the other. Sure, our daughter would sit in the time out area for about a millisecond, then get up and run away, giggling with laughter. Or if she didn't run, she'd scoot on her bottom to move away from us.
On the one hand, I found myself getting rather frustrated that she A) didn't listen to me in the first place and we were now doing the time out thing and B) surely wasn't listening to me now because all I wanted her to do was sit still. How hard can that be? She's a bright child, after all. Oh, and C) I was tired of chasing her down and bringing her back to the spot. I'd had a long day and having to chase her down was not on my agenda at this time of night.
But on the other hand, I was delighted to hear her laugh and giggle with such joy. To her, this wasn't a time out, it was a game. And she was having so much fun with us! Even my husband found himself dropping the "Daddy Tone" and smiling at her antics after awhile. I had to step in then and tell him not to let her see him smile, after all, time out is serious business! Yet after another few minutes of aerobics and exasperation, he turned to me and asked why I was trying to put her in time out in the first place. And I couldn't answer him. That's when we called it quits and had a group tickle hug.
Disciplining a child is hard enough to do. One has to learn by experience, really, what works and what doesn't. And no sooner do you have one proven technique down pat then your child changes and you have to start from scratch again. Plus, what works with one age group won't work with another. As parents though, we have to teach our children discipline and to abide by the rules. Yet once and awhile, like last night, you realize it's just not worth it. If I couldn't remember why I was putting her in time out in the first place, then she didn't need to be there, because what was I really teaching her? Ah, the conundrums of discipline....
Yin Mommy
My daughter just turned 1 a few months ago so the idea of true discipline is a bit foreign to us. Yes we have to ensure that she knows right from wrong and that she doesn’t touch things she isn’t supposed to but let’s be realistic. She’s 1.
I’m personally not a fan of time out. As a youngster my mom would send me to my room and tell me not to leave until she said so. Worked for me! I love to read so being sequestered in my room was heaven. If she really wanted to punish me she should have sent me outside to run around the block. So from my point of view sitting someone down to “think about what they’ve done” doesn’t cut it.
What worked on me and my husband was a spanking. Yes I know some people are totally against spanking and believe that it’s cruel and unusual punishment. But the thought of having my behind spanked was enough to stop a lot of the things that I thought about doing as a child. I will agree there is a limit though. My mom would spank us for anything and after a while it became a joke to try to outrun her. My father on the other hand reserved his spankings for really big infractions. Usually his stern voice was enough to get us back in line but if we went too far, a spanking we got. And was it ever painful. Yes the hand or the belt on the behind hurt, but not as much as the disappointment you felt from my dad.
So what I’ve learned is that spanking doesn’t work if you use it like it’s the only tool you have. You also have to teach and be aware that you want your child to respect you and the other adults in their life. I’ve had to spank my daughter’s hand a few times, as has my husband. Ugh did it hurt our hearts. And did she ever make a show of it. She’s even gotten “spanked” by the cat for pulling his fur (he doesn’t have front claws but she cried anyway). Immediately afterwards we’ve spoken softly to her (as she screams and cries alligator tears) and explained why she shouldn’t do whatever. And then we give her a hug and a kiss. I’ve come to realize that my most important role is to bring up a well learned child who has respect for others and knows that there are consequences to every action. Hopefully we’ll learn from her as much as she’ll learn from us.
Recently, my husband and I have been introducing the concept of "time out" with our toddler, who's not yet two years of age. We understand that she may not get the entire gist of time out--forget about "reflecting upon what she's done," that's for when she's older. And as for sitting in a designated spot for an allotted amount of time, well, we're working on that. Typically we aim for her to sit for about twenty seconds, which is a long time for any toddler. After all, she can't even count to ten so I don't think she understands that she has to sit for double that! But she does understand that she has to sit in one spot. That much we know she knows. In fact, when I tell her that she'll have to sit in time out if she doesn't listen, she immediately sits down and gives me the most angelic smile--I have photos to prove it!
Well last night was one of those times when the discipline was an exercise in futility. In truth, there was more exercise (for us parents) than futility but we weren't able to have one without the other. Sure, our daughter would sit in the time out area for about a millisecond, then get up and run away, giggling with laughter. Or if she didn't run, she'd scoot on her bottom to move away from us.
On the one hand, I found myself getting rather frustrated that she A) didn't listen to me in the first place and we were now doing the time out thing and B) surely wasn't listening to me now because all I wanted her to do was sit still. How hard can that be? She's a bright child, after all. Oh, and C) I was tired of chasing her down and bringing her back to the spot. I'd had a long day and having to chase her down was not on my agenda at this time of night.
But on the other hand, I was delighted to hear her laugh and giggle with such joy. To her, this wasn't a time out, it was a game. And she was having so much fun with us! Even my husband found himself dropping the "Daddy Tone" and smiling at her antics after awhile. I had to step in then and tell him not to let her see him smile, after all, time out is serious business! Yet after another few minutes of aerobics and exasperation, he turned to me and asked why I was trying to put her in time out in the first place. And I couldn't answer him. That's when we called it quits and had a group tickle hug.
Disciplining a child is hard enough to do. One has to learn by experience, really, what works and what doesn't. And no sooner do you have one proven technique down pat then your child changes and you have to start from scratch again. Plus, what works with one age group won't work with another. As parents though, we have to teach our children discipline and to abide by the rules. Yet once and awhile, like last night, you realize it's just not worth it. If I couldn't remember why I was putting her in time out in the first place, then she didn't need to be there, because what was I really teaching her? Ah, the conundrums of discipline....
Yin Mommy
My daughter just turned 1 a few months ago so the idea of true discipline is a bit foreign to us. Yes we have to ensure that she knows right from wrong and that she doesn’t touch things she isn’t supposed to but let’s be realistic. She’s 1.
I’m personally not a fan of time out. As a youngster my mom would send me to my room and tell me not to leave until she said so. Worked for me! I love to read so being sequestered in my room was heaven. If she really wanted to punish me she should have sent me outside to run around the block. So from my point of view sitting someone down to “think about what they’ve done” doesn’t cut it.
What worked on me and my husband was a spanking. Yes I know some people are totally against spanking and believe that it’s cruel and unusual punishment. But the thought of having my behind spanked was enough to stop a lot of the things that I thought about doing as a child. I will agree there is a limit though. My mom would spank us for anything and after a while it became a joke to try to outrun her. My father on the other hand reserved his spankings for really big infractions. Usually his stern voice was enough to get us back in line but if we went too far, a spanking we got. And was it ever painful. Yes the hand or the belt on the behind hurt, but not as much as the disappointment you felt from my dad.
So what I’ve learned is that spanking doesn’t work if you use it like it’s the only tool you have. You also have to teach and be aware that you want your child to respect you and the other adults in their life. I’ve had to spank my daughter’s hand a few times, as has my husband. Ugh did it hurt our hearts. And did she ever make a show of it. She’s even gotten “spanked” by the cat for pulling his fur (he doesn’t have front claws but she cried anyway). Immediately afterwards we’ve spoken softly to her (as she screams and cries alligator tears) and explained why she shouldn’t do whatever. And then we give her a hug and a kiss. I’ve come to realize that my most important role is to bring up a well learned child who has respect for others and knows that there are consequences to every action. Hopefully we’ll learn from her as much as she’ll learn from us.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Sniffles and Sneezes Galore
Yang Mommy
It's never a good day when your baby gets a cold. Let alone when the cold turns a bit more serious, such as when a fever ensues or a dreaded ear infection develops. (And why are ear infections so prevalent nowadays? I was amazed that our pediatrician was "amazed" that our daughter got her first ear infection at such a ripe old age of nearly 2. Huh? Topic for another day.) Little ones can't tell us yet what's bothering them, so as parents we have to play both Miss Marple and Dr Quartermaine at once. It's not an easy task, as you moms and dads well know.
But what happens when the sneezes jump from little noses to big noses, and infect the whole household? Chaos, I tell you, utter chaos. It's difficult enough caring for a sick child but worse when one parent gets sick, let alone both! And as CEO of the house, when mom gets the dreaded germs, everything has the potential to go kaput.
Not to bash on men, but in my experience, I've not yet met a man who is a "good" patient. Rather, they have turned into little children themselves. We all need some TLC when we're sick, but with a sick baby and a sick husband in the house, it falls to mom to carry the entire load. Eventually, I too succumbed to the wee one's germs and got sick, just as the baby and husband were on the mend.
Yet as a SAHM of a toddler, I can't retire to my bed and soap operas for the day when I'm sick once the kiddies are at school or daycare, and the husband at work. No, I have to keep on going, albeit at a slower speed. (TG for take out!) But it's days like these, when my head weighs a ton and it feels like a cat is scratching the inside of my throat that I envy those moms whose children are in daycare, because at least when they catch a cold or flu, those moms can rest up for a few hours a day.
Well, my mom once said there's nothing a good cuppa tea won't cure, so I'm off to brew myself a steep cup. Then take some cold medicine and keep on movin'.
Yin Mommy
Ah the joys of having a sick child when you’re supposed to go to work and have appointments scheduled. What’s a working mom to do? Well I could ask my husband to take her to the doctor. But his schedule fluctuates and it’s not quite as easy for him to take our daughter in at the last minute. Plus he gets nervous taking her to the doctor and I need to know exactly what was said.
I’m thankful that our pediatrician has extended hours so if she does get sick I have an option to take her after work but hate waiting around in the doctor’s office with all those sick kids. Who honestly aren’t always that well behaved, sick or not sick.
As I sit in the waiting room I start going through my list of who to blame for me waiting over an hour: the doctor’s office for letting sick kids who are whiney in their waiting room; my husband because if he would pay attention and not be so nervous about our daughter he’d be able to listen to the doctor’s prognosis; the doctor for taking so long; myself for working; my job for making me so tired; daycare for suggesting that my daughter doesn’t feel well and “maybe we should take her to the doctor”. The list goes on and on. The only person missing from the list is my daughter, who, even when sick, has a pretty good disposition.
I was speaking with my own mom the other day and complaining about all of the doctor’s visits that my pretty healthy daughter has had over the past year. There was one major trip to the emergency room (febrile seizure due to an ear infection) that cleaned out our health care savings account so now we pay 20% of all visits out of pocket. Surprisingly my mom said that when we were kids even though we were pretty healthy she was always taking us to the doctor’s office and she hated it. She finally got wise and got friendly with the local pharmacist and would give him our symptoms and he would give suggestions on medication or tell her if we needed to go to the doctor. What a money saver! Of course our local CVS or Walgreen’s pharmacist would most likely not do such a thing in this day and age but instead of immediately running to the doctor for a long lasting diaper rash I’m now going to use my Mommy resources and talk to friends who have older children and see what their opinion is. I also have a friend who is a mom and a nurse and I should ask her more questions.
I think that since everyone is so busy sometimes we tend to forget to talk to each other and commiserate. It’s how we learn. I’m sure in the days of old that’s what quilting bees really were – an opportunity for women to talk with each other and learn from each other. Sometimes in the hectic schedule that I have I forget. But hopefully I can build a village of teachers that includes her pediatrician, the women at her daycare, my mom, and my friends with children to help teach me to be a better, more sane mother.
It's never a good day when your baby gets a cold. Let alone when the cold turns a bit more serious, such as when a fever ensues or a dreaded ear infection develops. (And why are ear infections so prevalent nowadays? I was amazed that our pediatrician was "amazed" that our daughter got her first ear infection at such a ripe old age of nearly 2. Huh? Topic for another day.) Little ones can't tell us yet what's bothering them, so as parents we have to play both Miss Marple and Dr Quartermaine at once. It's not an easy task, as you moms and dads well know.
But what happens when the sneezes jump from little noses to big noses, and infect the whole household? Chaos, I tell you, utter chaos. It's difficult enough caring for a sick child but worse when one parent gets sick, let alone both! And as CEO of the house, when mom gets the dreaded germs, everything has the potential to go kaput.
Not to bash on men, but in my experience, I've not yet met a man who is a "good" patient. Rather, they have turned into little children themselves. We all need some TLC when we're sick, but with a sick baby and a sick husband in the house, it falls to mom to carry the entire load. Eventually, I too succumbed to the wee one's germs and got sick, just as the baby and husband were on the mend.
Yet as a SAHM of a toddler, I can't retire to my bed and soap operas for the day when I'm sick once the kiddies are at school or daycare, and the husband at work. No, I have to keep on going, albeit at a slower speed. (TG for take out!) But it's days like these, when my head weighs a ton and it feels like a cat is scratching the inside of my throat that I envy those moms whose children are in daycare, because at least when they catch a cold or flu, those moms can rest up for a few hours a day.
Well, my mom once said there's nothing a good cuppa tea won't cure, so I'm off to brew myself a steep cup. Then take some cold medicine and keep on movin'.
Yin Mommy
Ah the joys of having a sick child when you’re supposed to go to work and have appointments scheduled. What’s a working mom to do? Well I could ask my husband to take her to the doctor. But his schedule fluctuates and it’s not quite as easy for him to take our daughter in at the last minute. Plus he gets nervous taking her to the doctor and I need to know exactly what was said.
I’m thankful that our pediatrician has extended hours so if she does get sick I have an option to take her after work but hate waiting around in the doctor’s office with all those sick kids. Who honestly aren’t always that well behaved, sick or not sick.
As I sit in the waiting room I start going through my list of who to blame for me waiting over an hour: the doctor’s office for letting sick kids who are whiney in their waiting room; my husband because if he would pay attention and not be so nervous about our daughter he’d be able to listen to the doctor’s prognosis; the doctor for taking so long; myself for working; my job for making me so tired; daycare for suggesting that my daughter doesn’t feel well and “maybe we should take her to the doctor”. The list goes on and on. The only person missing from the list is my daughter, who, even when sick, has a pretty good disposition.
I was speaking with my own mom the other day and complaining about all of the doctor’s visits that my pretty healthy daughter has had over the past year. There was one major trip to the emergency room (febrile seizure due to an ear infection) that cleaned out our health care savings account so now we pay 20% of all visits out of pocket. Surprisingly my mom said that when we were kids even though we were pretty healthy she was always taking us to the doctor’s office and she hated it. She finally got wise and got friendly with the local pharmacist and would give him our symptoms and he would give suggestions on medication or tell her if we needed to go to the doctor. What a money saver! Of course our local CVS or Walgreen’s pharmacist would most likely not do such a thing in this day and age but instead of immediately running to the doctor for a long lasting diaper rash I’m now going to use my Mommy resources and talk to friends who have older children and see what their opinion is. I also have a friend who is a mom and a nurse and I should ask her more questions.
I think that since everyone is so busy sometimes we tend to forget to talk to each other and commiserate. It’s how we learn. I’m sure in the days of old that’s what quilting bees really were – an opportunity for women to talk with each other and learn from each other. Sometimes in the hectic schedule that I have I forget. But hopefully I can build a village of teachers that includes her pediatrician, the women at her daycare, my mom, and my friends with children to help teach me to be a better, more sane mother.
Come chat with us!
Hi, and welcome to our blog! My friend and I decided to create this blog for many of the same reasons other bloggers blog--we wanted to air our opinions and thoughts, and discuss events that matter to us. What's neat about our blog is that while we're really great friends and we both are moms of children under 2, we have different "life circumstances" for mommyhood which impact our opinions and actions. I'll tell you what I mean:
- One of us is stay-at-home mom, the other a working professional
- One of us has a child in daycare, the other doesn't
- We live in different parts of the country
- And one of us is white, the other black, which in and of itself doesn't matter to our personal friendship. However our individual backgrounds and what we each face as women and moms today can be affected by others' racial opinions.
So although we actually have a ton in common, we both have our unique differences, which we hope to showcase as we blog about topical events that impact our lives, both personally and as mommies. We look forward to hearing from you too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)